Thailand Miscellany

I arrived in Thailand a couple of days ago. The last two times I came here as a dental tourist. This time it's tourism period.
The first clue that things are worse now than before was the midday taxi ride from the airport taking only 35 minutes instead of an hour. Despite the crappening economy combined with political upheaval that has devastated the tourism industry, Thais nevertheless manage to maintain their famous smiles. I think it's a Buddhist thing.

Before coming, I did my due diligence by reviewing emails I wrote during the last two trips. I apologize to those who've already seen them but there's some new material too.

Food

First of all, putting a fork in your mouth is considered gauche. The fork is used to pick up food to put on the spoon which goes in your mouth. OK? Do I sound like your mother? I meant to.

McDonald's has a service here called "McDelivery." A simple phone call and within minutes you'll be devouring a double whopper with cheese, jumbo fries and a 36 oz. coke without having to lift your supersized ass off the couch to go get it.

Royalty

Thailand is a constitutional monarchy. The current king, Rama IX, has been on the throne since 1946.

It's not only bad manners to diss him but it's a crime called lese-majeste. A government official was accused of that crime last year but published reports about it can't tell us what the guy said. That, too, would be lese-majeste. The king here is beloved. That's genuine.

Mostly, the king stays above the political fray using his moral capital only to influence events when truly needed.

Politics

Ok, you heard about the shutdown of the Asiatic summit, the wild street demonstrations, the closing of the airports and all that. So what's it all about?

Back in 2006, the Prime Minister, Thaksin Shinawatra, was deposed in a military coup. Viewed as the savior of the rural poor, Thaksin's political support came from peasants in the north. As much as he is loved up there, he's disliked in Bangkok. He's now on the lam having been convicted in absentia on corruption charges. Opponents of Thaksin didn't like his successor any better. This precipitated street actions by the yellow shirts who stormed the government house and shut down the airports thus killing the tourist industry. The yellow shirts won and drove Thaksin's successor from office. That was in 2008 or 2551 on the Thai calendar.

In the color-coded politics of Thailand, the red shirts are the rural poor who would like Thaksin back. They were responsible for the demonstrations in the past few weeks. They scuttled the summit of Asian leaders. They haven't achieved their goals yet but demonstrations are promised this week.

While the political conflict between Bangkok and the north gets much publicity, there's been a little-known war going on in southern Thailand for the past 100 years. Malay speaking Islamists in the three southernmost provinces want to secede from Thailand. It's a bloody conflict that has claimed countless lives. About the war: http://www.patininews.net

Bangkok's New Airport Tower

Bangkok's new international airport has the tallest control tower in the world as measured from the base. Measured from MSL, that distinction probably goes to Bangda Airport in Tibet at 14,219 feet plus the height of the tower.

How to Get Your Own Pet Crocodile

Not strictly a Thailand story but reported in the Bangkok Post.

In case you're wondering where your next pet crocodile will come from, don't give it another thought. Crocodile Cambodia will ship 18 eggs with incubator wrapped in a paper bag to any address in the world for a cost of $2,500 USD. The accompanying instructions note that crocodiles may not be appropriate for children and may be dangerous to pets and other human beings. According to the company, ninety percent of the shipments reach their intended recipients without customs inspection.

About the Place I stayed in Chiang Mai

To the editor of Rough Guide to Thailand:
Under the heading The North-Chiang Mai-Accommodations-Moderate-Lanna Orchid Inn, please insert the following language:

"Guests of the Inn are treated to repeated pounding on a gong by neighboring monks at 4:30 A.M. to mark the beginning of the new day. Every day. For this service, there is no charge."

The Phone Book

Thais are listed in the phone book alphabetically by their first names. And it is common to adopt nicknames to confuse evil spirits.

OK, is this traditional massage or buddy massage?

Like many tourists, I sometimes have trouble distinguishing traditional Thai massage parlors from whorehouses. But when you're passing a massage parlor and one of the girls springs off the patio into your path and thrusts her tits into your chest asking if you want a massage and punctuates her question with a second tit thrust, then you can tell.